I sat here and listened to more music, and sort of sipped soda and zoned out, thinking to myself of my past, where I’ve been, what happened in my life. And I come to the focus point of 2004-2005, when I was a completely inconsolable wreck of a human. Distraught beyond words, self loathing, world hating, on the verge of ending my existence, but *keeping* myself alive as a form of never-ending punishment. A borderline invalid. Hell, itself, would have been a reprieve.nnAnd I somehow try to ignore (as that is all there is left to do at this point – ignore what happened) the attitudes of those around me. Namely, my mother, father, and sister “D”. Sister “C” kept a fair distance at that time, but saw what was occurring. The three aforementioned people bare witness to my dissent on a daily basis, and lifted not one finger to intervene in my demise. They had written me off, as I had been lost to psychotic oblivion and never to return. And, it’s why I stopped communicating with them for five+ years in the following years (after I had started a long and arduous recovery process), because I *knew* that they would pour acidic piss on any genuine recovery effort. nnIt also accounts why I have zero(0) empathy towards any of their emotions or desires in the world to this day. They are the emptiness of nothing. They may have “improved” to a fraction of a degree over a decade, but there is truly no remorse for their souls. Anti-angels.nnBut that’s just how I saw things. And still do, to a certain extent. People, or, *a* person, can go through tumultuous pain and suffering in their life, but if someone *else* comes across those who suffer, and those people do not *react* in a “human” way, and presuppose that those who suffer are in fact in a position of *deserving* that suffering, then the entirety of the lot – sufferer and people who enable such agony – all fit the bill of damnation.nnnn

Subscribe to from the desk of TMO

Don’t miss out on the latest issues. Sign up now to get access to the library of members-only issues.