polynesian-fry-supper

Had thin cut french fries for dinner (as I did for lunch). And with them, I had Polynesian dipping sauce, which was given to me from someone who had “borrowed” (or just *took*) a bunch of sauces from Chick-fil-a. The sauce was tasty, as were the fries. Not bad.nnNow, I sit in relative silence in my apartment, with distant car horns honking on the other end of the parking lot. Car horn *alarms*, I should say. Who knows why?nn**busted chair**nnThe living room chair is busted, bunk, useless, and uncomfortable. I *know* there is nothing wrong with my lower LEFThand side of my back, but every time I sit in that particular chair, it gets sore. It’s not *that* great of a chair to begin with, but it was a housewarming gift I received when I moved into this apartment, so it stuck around, but not it is unusable. I pay replace it with a chair I saw on Ikea (no idea what the name of it was/is), but I can easily reference it. No clue on when I will order it, but not long from now.nnSo, I am relegated to the busted blue desk chair at the kitchen desk/island. I say “busted” because it is falling apart in many spots, but it is actually totally comfortable/functional, and is solid steel, so it isn’t really going anywhere.nn**honest talk**nnI’ve been feeling pretty angst-y lately. Like, I just get frustrated in a major way over little things. Sometimes to the point of low key *raging* about those things. I just get flat-out furious that things, everything (life, itself) is sort of panning out to be “not much” in terms of where things are going, what I stay busy with (or DON’T stay busy with, really), and just a complete and total “dis-awareness” with what I am supposed to be doing, what I *could* be doing, and why I am not doing any of these “would-be” things – every element of it is torture. It’s like being pissed beyond words that I don’t have anything to do, and then getting *more* pissed off that I cannot think of *what* to do. And then feeling guilty about not being able to think of what to do, and *more* guilty for not doing them. So, a horrendous vicious cycle, and I wish things were not this way.nnIt’s like I’ve been given a big, overarching diagnosis of “life sucks”, and I am not sure how to go about coping with it, and in the meantime, everything is kind of going wrong simultaneously (in my mind), and I have no ability to consolidate this shit.nnSo I don’t know. Maybe it’s “just me” (which I am sure it is), or maybe it is my environment, and lack of stimulation *within* it that is essentially driving me insane?nnIt is what it is, and there is nothing that I *can think of* nor *do* to change it, so I will just suffer through, I suppose.nnHere’s to hoping for a better day another day. Or a better hour another hour. Or whatever.nnback soon

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