Or at least putting down words on what I'm thinking. Not much umph put into the whole thing. But on that note, I guess I sort of do put as much energy and emphasis into what I am writing while I am writing it, and just sort of trying my best all the time. I don't really see how I can get into a "phone it in" mode, or not write the best way that I know how on any given occassion that I am writing. Yea, just trying my best, basically.

And that's probably why I do not attempt fiction very often. It's like me trying to be better than my best, or "over-trying" to be my best. Far too much time and effort is spent on a single sentence or paragraph in terms of "digging deep" into putting down the "best" writing that I can possibly muster. And then any type of flow or function to what is being written is interrupted, overall. I can only balance so many things in my head at one time, and I cannot make a story (being it short or long) a relatively cohesive document that has an overarching "quality" to it when I am so hyperfocused on a single element of the text. And anything less than a deliberate focus on a sentence or paragraph (for me) results in a lot of stuff "just getting written", or, a "filler type of story". Nothing really amusing or entertaining comes out of it.

Long and short of it is; I just don't write good fiction. Perhaps with a lot of time, and editing, and re-visiting, and modification I can make something, anything, relatively amusing and useful.

And, the re-visiting part to a story is difficult, as well. I come back to continue with what I had written a week or so before, and I feel like I am completely different writer, a completely different person, and when I've re-read what was put there previously, everything in my mind wants to put everything previously written into a lump summary - like; "ok we've made that point, now let's move on to the next part". And the style of how I, personally, make a text (that is fiction) "good" is kind of getting caught up in the descriptive nature of what it being written. So, it could be 1,000+ words describing a single element, or perhaps two elements of a story - littered with description, detail, literary wordplay, and everything else. And then again, an overarching "point" to the whole thing is obscured, and then I read back (to myself) what I have written, and I want to "bring forward" what the point of the whole thing is.

Yea, it's difficult writing fiction. Or at least it is difficult writing fiction in the style I like it to be written in. To create something that I would like to read.

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