heres-some-stuff-to-say

I’d say that I have “recovered” (mostly) from the freak out/rage fest from earlier today. The estate pipe is basically ruined, but it is currently taped with Scotch tape, and is usable, but it will be trashed in due time. nnNot that that mattersnn**I** am feeling a bit better. I was in/out of bed all day (all day yesterday, too, in fact), because I’ve experienced prolonged “bouts” (hours on-end) of depression, and this may continue, it might not, I have no way of knowing.nnI honestly cannot lay down, though. My back hurts from so much over-rest, over-sleep. nnMaybe a trip to the store in a couple days will clear my head, but right now, I am just “in the moment”.nnAnd that’s sort of “life” with psychosis, ya know? (Hopefully you DON’T know, as it is a debilitating condition). But I sort of became this way in my early-20’s (exactly *at* 20, I’d say), and now I am nearly 40, and it’s an ongoing and recurring battle. It is partially why I do not, and cannot, put much value in things (e.g. steady work, a decent income, a family of my own, home ownership, etc.) – because it *would* be lost. It would go away in time. I cannot sustain/maintain any type of “regular” pace for myself in life. And since I know this “going in” (or, before I get myself “into” anything), I usually draw back, and not lust after ambitious offerings in life. I *create* and *write* and *blog* and *enjoy life* in an ambitious manner, maybe. Generally, I am more *optimistic* and *positive* than other folks (folks who may “have a lot”, or, “have it all”). But all manner of “brick and mortar”, tangible, *real life* forms of social status or positioning in life – no, I can’t keep it up. So I don’t. nnThe silver lining of the scenario, is that I have *had* psychosis for ~20 years now, so I know how to handle it, react to it. But every now and then a Primal Scream has to occur. It does with all people. And should. Always.nnHope you’re all well. Back soon.

Subscribe to from the desk of TMO

Don’t miss out on the latest issues. Sign up now to get access to the library of members-only issues.
jamie@example.com
Subscribe