I am listening to my "anything playlist" which just has a few songs on it, but I felt like hearing them, so that is what I am listening to :)

That, and making coffee. Just getting through the night with not a whole hell of a lot of things to do, nor getting done.

So, what of what? Well, the song playing right now, called "Mono No Aware" by a band called Great Grandpa has a line that says "it's just the pathos of all things" (which is what "mono no aware" translates to, roughly), and I have been fascinated with that phrase since I heard it. From what I understand "the pathos of all things" is, like, sort of being aware of one's own existence in a sort of surreal way. Like, an answer to a question (or series of questions) that are not entirely tangible or even describable. Just a psychological sensation, in a way. Very hard to put into words, but I am sure we have all felt it.

Neat stuff

The coffee is about finished now, as I zoned out while I listened to more music and just passively thought of what to write next. But let me address something in a somewhat self-reflective, self-discerning manner:

am I a writer?

Well, yes I guess so. But it's not a "yes" or "no" answer - as the real question is: "What the hell even IS a "real" writer?" I'd say, someone who practices the art (or craft) of writing on a fairly regular basis would be considered "a writer". As one who simply does some writing now and again, would be "one who writes" - and there is nothing wrong (or right) with being in either situation. I, for example, don't create music very often, but I am "one who creates music" (or some subset of what music would be considered, lol!). And I do not consider myself "a musician". But I DO write daily, several times a day, seven days a week, year-round. So, I suppose that qualifies me as "a writer". A writer with accolades, recognition, money, or significance? No, probably none of those things. But, this is my definition of the hobby/art/craft/whatever. Can I (and do I) proclaim (shamelessly, at times) that I am "a writer" and authentically mean it in my "heart of hearts"? Of course.

So, again, what of it? I'm just obsessed, fascinated, or perhaps a tad compuslive about the art/craft of writing (I'd venture to say I am more FASCINATED than anything else).

And then the question becomes (as ALL things in life have a series of "x + y = z" type of formulaic expression to them, it seems): "how do I market it?" or "how do I make a living from it?" or "when does this GET me somewhere?", and really, I think the answer is: I don't, I can't, and it won't.

That's one thing I would like to "do away with" or dampen as soon as I can in terms of WHAT this writing is, or what it is worth - I don't think much of anything ever could, or would, be derived from the vast majority of what I write. It's all here for the sake of being here. Perhaps in some post-mortum scenario a survivor who knows of, happens across, or has access to my (written) words could derive (continued?) value from having access to them - but, in terms of TAKING the writing anywhere, it's here for the sake of being here. Not a means to an end, but the actual end in-and-of itself :)

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