false goals

It's 3:38 AM. When I write at this hour I tend to have a "false goal" in mind when I write. Like that's part of the bargain for forcing/willing myself to write within a few moments of waking up.

In the evenings, I just want to write out stuff and "get in my steps" with prose, see if something new/interesting comes along with the sentence or/and paragraph structure.

But mostly (as I haven't been reading a lot of books) everything just sort of falls flat, and the words are well-worded, and enthusiastic enough, but I am not sincerely learning/exercising anything with the writing.

But when I get up (at 3:20 AM, or 2:00 AM, or 6:00 AM, whatever) and write straight away, I think I will have some sort of "result" from having done so, but usually it just ends up being some thing I write, and then see when I look at tmo.name later in the day (when I am getting ready to do a/some afternoon writing), and then re-remember that I did write something already that day. Or to-day. And likely completely forgot about the middle-of-the-night writing session.

And this is like no other

later