Pretending. Pretending that things are "ok", and "normal" (whatever the fxxx normal is?). Because I feel authentically furious with how bored I am, and how boring this city/state can be, and is. Just, off the chain bored and disgusted with it.

I actually had a "mental break" the other night, and I cannot describe exactly how it was, how it happened, but it is like the boredom and monotony of my day(s) had (somehow) transcended my actual emotions, themselves. It's bizarre.

But yea, I am fxxxing done with this place. And I won't raise more complaints or go on a cynical rant, because it's a waste. I just want to go.

So, a move is happening very soon (as I mentioned in the last blog post).

And that brings me to coffee and computer crap - I always piss around on my laptop (usually blogging), and slamming coffee, so that is what I will do.

Now, I am just blaring a Punk Rock playlist and coming up with crap to say, because there is nothing else. Granted, it's 1:45 AM, but this hour is no different than any other hour when you (I) live in a crummy apartment (or any apartment). It's a damn cell.

Sometimes, I just think "life sucks", and in many legit/realistic ways, it does, but then I grind my teeth and buckle down and get through whatever the fxxx I am dealing with, and move along.

However, when every minute becomes one of excrutiating waiting, boredom, and monotony, things get "harsh" fairly quick. People (esp me) need stimulation, activity, and amusement. It's been how many years that I have "dwelled" at this apartment complex? Nearly five(5) - aka, too many! Things were less boring in Pevely (I knew a lot of people there), and things were less boring before that in STL (well, pretty close to what is here, now - only...yea, it still sucked. I just don't remember the boredom being this foul and obvious in STL as it is Now, and has been for the past five years).

So, I gotta bounce. I know I said this a thousand times already, but it's all I can/will think about - the dim shimmer of light at the end of the tunnel of....basically nothingness.

Ok, I will be back soon. Hope everyone is doing well - I will try to do the same.