carrying-on-with-the-night-despite-it-all

9:45 PM. Made espresso. About to strike up a Lucky Strike. I slowly recover from having thrown up, due to some odd indigestion issue with the combination of pancakes and then immediately having a Diet Pepsi. Never a good combination, but this time it sent me to the bathroom.nnStrange night. Bad in some ways. Better in others.nnSo let’s perk up our spirits, shall we? Or I should say *I* will perk up my spirits.nnDoes anyone ever feel like they are waiting for something? Like, something “better” to come along? Like whatever they have gone through/are going through, is more or less a sort of temporary “state”, and that for whatever (odd) reason their karma, mental status, or just position in life is to “bide their time”.nnI feel that way often these days. And I have for a good deal of time. I *did* have a period of about a year there where I found some hope/inspiration from web development. And none of it really worked together, and though I haven’t given up the ghost on that (quite yet), I still don’t see that (web dev) as being the wholesale “calling” towards what it is I am trying to do, or perhaps subconsciously *want* to do, or in some respects even *can* do. I mean, it *does* take an immense amount of time/energy/dedication/hunger, and really just flat out fascination with the topic to even *start* to build anything that is interesting, let alone profitable. I had that several times in years past (immense interest and fascination with what was/is possible with the WWW), and I still lean towards what **IS** possible with it all. So that is a positive thing, but I have yet to figure out how *I* could play a role with it.nnAll I know, is that in life (as well as mental status) one (meaning me) has to have a fair amount of “blank space” in order to operate, function, or simply **think** freely. And everything in my life (physical objects) revolves around “stuff”. Too much of it. Having much less of it would be better. I feel (and am) “cluttered up” in life. And nothing about it is sustainable/enjoyable. If (or *when*) I get back to a more “free space” in terms of objects in my life (or lack thereof), I can actually operate and function like “me”, again.nnAfter living as a pretty stringent minimalist for five+ years, I am in no way wanting to “move on” or “evolve/devolve” (depending on one’s perspective). nnSo, as of now, I am going to take stock of what needs to go, what can stay, and where I want to **be** in life. Perhaps then (in fact, I am sure then) I can be more in sync, or “in tune” with my activities and outlook.nnback soon

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