I hammered out a post this AM, haven't done one since, as I have been far too preoccupied with complete and utter nothingness for the majority of the day. One of those "watch paint dry" sort of days - nothing eventful happens, nor am I doing a heck of a lot to make anything happen. Times passes. Life wears on. I will do laundry in a little bit here (probably sooner rather than later - say, 5:00 instead of 6:00), and get that knocked out of the way, and that will (essentially) be the totality of the day's accomplishments :/

I did go through the budget on Standard Notes a little bit ago, though - decided that I need to have not only all bills and random expenses taken care of, but that I also must buy birthday gifts for two people in February, as well as a significant amount of tobacco for myself. The (extra) tobacco could be construed as "excessive", but I want to have plenty on hand, as I have been going "bag-to-bag" for the past few months, and it would be nice to have a small cellar going, just for S&G's. English, VA/Per, aromatics - I am going to get a little bit of each in February, I think.

So, why is writing "the name of the game" for today (especially if I have been delinquent in any type of posting)? Well, because writing usually does pull me out of whatever funk I may be going through/experiencing in life. So, I just need to take the time to sit the fxxx down, hammer some text, and see what comes of what.


Circa 2010 I was likely a completely different person. I was ~25 years old, and I had only attended a single (failed) semester of college (Jefferson College (Community College) in Fall 2009), and other than the (somewhat lucrative) blogging side hustle that was starting to manifest into paychecks every so often, I always found myself spending time with random people that lived around where I lived (which was Crystal City, Missouri). Be it at "drop-in center" (a place where people gathered, drank coffee, read the (physical) newspaper, played pool, etc.), or random folks that lived in my apartment complex, or people I passively knew from the JeffCo semester - I always found myself going places, doing things, staying (mostly) busy. Of course, I had a dog at the time, and that brought me from the solitude of my apartment fairly often, kept me social (or more social than I was), but in the end, the dog was certainly much more of a hassle (and an expense) than I was willing to deal with in my day-to-day happenings. I almost preferred to be a somewhat anti-social individual, and I liked keeping to myself, writing continuously, and not needing to have to "deal" with anyone/everyone's problems on a regular basis. In fact, the level of social activity I had in my world was "just right" long before ever getting the dog - a Goldilocks Zone of "not too social, not too secluded - juuust right".

But the point is, there have been times (MANY times, in fact) that I have been a somewhat "social animal" (hell, just look at the entirety of my high school years - all I DID was yammer it up with people! (which also makes me have pity for those who are homeschooled - a bad scenario, I would think)). But, I've noticed that in old(er) age (it's gotta be age-related, I can't imagine it being any other factor) people are less social - less engaging - less empathetic - and less interested or amused in people other than their own insular family unit. Which is an OK way to be (I suppose), and I don't to sound like I am "whining" about other folks having their priorities lined-up, and their livelihoods all figured out while they "get them damn kids raised up good and proper", and of course I am not faulting them for being organized or/and content individuals - but I also find it fairly selfish to even maintain or start a family in the modern world. Despite me and my passive amusement (which no one should be considering, really) - I actually feel (and this may turn into a completely different tangent) that bringing human life into a mess of a planet that we were born into, is really two things: 1) it is radically naive (to think that the offspring would live out a significant life to the person's "average life expectancy" (as I feel numerous factors are NOT in their odds in that regard (e.g. climate change))), and 2) (as if #1 wasn't deterrent enough), it is fairly "obtuse" to have children in 2022. And what I mean by that is, what is the "end goal" the "deciding factor", the "logical input/output" that convinces the individual that it's "good, smart sense" to have a human life in their care?

Some examples:

  • is there a family business that needs running after the parental unit(s) have passed away?
  • is there a large inheritance that should be passed on to the child(ren)?
  • is the family name that of "status"/affluence/influence?

Or, is life (in 2022) just easy? Convenience could be a particular deciding factor in deciding if a couple should have a child (in fact, I'd be surprised if it weren't the BIGGEST element in the decision-making process). Or, maybe some folks decide, "hey! We have genitals! They work! Let's get this show on the road!". Or, maybe they're starting a family as form of conformity? A "let's be regular people" type of mindset. Or, (and I hope this one is the case for most couples) they are bringing a life into this world out of the sheer enjoyment and love they (the couple) have for one another, and are choosing to share that love with another life. THAT is a really nice, and optimistic thing. I don't actually think that is the scenario for most people - but sometimes it is. Just like sometimes the bullet point examples I gave above are the deciding factors for having a child.

So, if you've read along this long (thank you), I don't want this document to be construed in some way as "don't have a family - come hang out with me, instead" argument, or something like that. Just two relatively separate points (or observances) of, A) me being a social creature who wishes to increase those social interactions, and B) the shortcomings (or faulty logic behind) starting a family in the modern age.

As to A - I'll find some shit to do - life goes on

As to B - that "thing I do" will not be put more people on a strained Earth, as there are plenty of people doing that already

Thanx for reading.

back soon